Potins de Hollywood et bitcheries assorties !!!

[MamzelChose]

Thursday, May 21, 2009
Alyssa Martina: Parent Coach
Kate Gosselin could learn parenting lessons herself

An open letter to Kate Gosselin:

Dear Kate,

Thank you for coming to Detroit last Thursday and being a part of Metro Parent Magazine's Distinguished Speakers Series. I know the hundreds of moms in the audience were excited to see you. I also appreciate your sharing with us the difficult time you are going through right now. The life of a celebrity isn't an easy one, as you are learning first hand. You're in the spotlight now. Surely, you're facing some trade-offs for offering your family to the public.

You've become a public figure yourself, Kate, and what you say and how you behave will be examined under a microscope. That's the price, I suppose, for being willing to share your life on your television show, "Jon & Kate Plus Eight." You get a nice paycheck, some great perks and celebrity status. In the balance, your life becomes exposed and you no longer have the same control as you did when you led a more private life. I'm not sure I'd take this deal, but your priorities are clearly different than mine and I applaud you for trying to keep it real.

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Quite honestly, although we were delighted to bring you to town, as a mother myself, I was surprised that you've hit the road to promote your two books, given all that's going on and the responsibilities you have with eight children, all 8 years old or younger. You have a full plate, and it must be a struggle to balance all of the demands on your time and in your life. You obviously don't wish to compromise on your own needs either.

At our program, you spoke at length about your adorable kids -- twins and the sextuplets (I recall hearing you say you didn't like the word sextuplets and prefer referring to them as multiples). Although you have a beautiful family, it can't be a piece of cake raising such a large brood! You said it yourself: Nothing has come easy for you; you and your husband, Jon, have struggled for everything. Although I'm not a regular viewer of your show, I've heard from many moms that your show's popularity is due to the fact that "ordinary moms" relate to you and feel that if you can swing it, so can they.

Your remarks at our presentation offered several lessons for the 800 (mostly) moms who came to hear you. You had some great insights, which I've classified into the Four Gs, or four lessons that have guided you since the birth of your set of six children.

The Lesson of Gratefulness

The first lesson you've learned raising eight kids is that parents should never take for granted all of the wonderful things that we have. Gratefulness is indeed important and, as a parenting tool, it's even more relevant. Children learn this attitude of gratitude from their parents.

Gratefulness gives rise to happiness and focuses on the fullness of life. Without gratefulness, we can't appreciate the small and large wonders our children provide. Without gratefulness, we can't value the truly remarkable blessings they bring us, even when we're tearing our hair out! Without gratitude, our mind focuses on the next thing on the list that needs to get done, rather than being mindful and grateful of the here and now. The Lesson of Gratefulness is crucial to living a rewarding life. As Albert Einstein observed, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Yes, it can always be better, but it can always be worse, too. Much worse.

The Lesson of Giving

Before your children, you characterized yourself as being self-absorbed. You indicated you were never one to look beyond the needs of your own family or yourself and help others. With so many people helping you during that first year after the birth of your multiples, you began to appreciate the importance of giving to and sharing with those who had less.

However, I found your comments about giving and generosity a little self-serving. I was a little put off by your insight that when you give, you are rewarded in turn. In theory, I support this notion, but the rewards can be far less material than you suggested, Kate. You explained how when you give, you almost always get something tangible back in return, confirming to you that your gift was the right thing to do. To be honest, your story of writing a check to a nearby family who had some major struggles in their life only to receive, almost serendipitously, an anonymous gift card for the exact amount was disheartening to me.

I'd like to believe that the spirit of giving inherently suggests you won't necessarily get back anything in return. That's the whole point of generosity -- giving for the sake of giving. What you get back is the intrinsic satisfaction of helping others. Still, the Lesson of Giving is an important one for all parents. True generosity springs from compassion. As the Dalai Lama once said, "Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive."

The Lesson of Getting Through

Next, you shared with us the Lesson of Getting Through -- the lesson of "the grind." You noted how mundane and repetitive a parent's job is. "Moms get up, make breakfast, feed breakfast, clean up breakfast, then make lunch, feed lunch, clean up lunch ... and so on and so on." You mentioned how it sometimes feels like a pointless job, but it's an important one and parents shouldn't lose their focus or give up.

Kate, you are probably an expert on the repetition of parenting! One diaper after the next, one meal after another, one potty training followed by a second, over and over again. Of course, the endless litany of chores, responsibilities and tasks scream of being a mom or dad. I liked how you spoke of this aspect of mothering your kids, but I would have enjoyed hearing more about the fruits of your efforts. Think about it -- we do this not because it's fun or easy but because there's purpose behind it. It's not pointless or futile, and the rewards are vast.

Rather than shuddering at the monotony of parenting, I suggest parents appreciate that children often thrive and grow into independent, secure adults when surrounded by routines, schedules and security. Without some order and, yes, a lot of repetition, our lives can become governed by chaos, clutter and ambiguity. The burdens -- and ordinariness -- of parenting also offer lessons in patience and perseverance. As a parenting coach, I advise parents to focus less on the arduousness of the work and more on the outcomes. Perhaps St. Thomas More said it best: "The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest."

The Lesson of Guiltlessness

Another key learning that you shared with us, Kate, is that guilt has no place in parenting. The Lesson of Guiltlessness is a good one, because too often parents feel guilty in how they raise their children. "Continue what you're doing," you offered the audience. "And never be sorry for a job well done."

You spoke about how "mommy guilt" can get to you. It must be hard for you, especially now that you're touring around the country. You acknowledged you don't get enough time to snuggle with each of the children and that, being so goal driven, it's hard for you to be "in the moment" with your kids. Your advice to "leave it alone -- there's always tomorrow" is sound. Parenting has the unique capability of making parents feel guilty. You are quite right when you suggest parents should rid themselves of guilt. It's destructive and places the focus on perfection. Being a parent is a continuous process that requires making some mistakes in order to learn, improve and grow.

Graciousness, The Lesson You Left Out

I think, however, you forgot one very important lesson that is also a crucial skill for parents, Kate. Graciousness is a critical skill and attribute for all parents. You failed to show any graciousness in your appearance last week. I did not find you to be a particularly kind, warm or nice person. You were unfriendly and actually quite aloof and rude to your hosts and sponsors. There were many people in the audience who perceived a sense of snootiness as well. I know because they came up to me afterward and mentioned it.

I often tell parents that we model the way for our kids. The lesson of graciousness captures traits of kindness and generosity of spirit, both important in building character in our children. Graciousness is more than social etiquette; it's the quality of being pleasant, thoughtful and kind-hearted. As parents, when we act graciously, we demonstrate to our children that we value this trait and want to see it in them. The way to raise a kind and gracious child is to be a kind and gracious person.

Kate, I know you are going through a difficult time, as rumors abound about your marriage and personal life. Unfortunately, when you decided to share your life with a huge viewing audience, you gave away many of your rights to claim privacy. You clearly enjoy several benefits and perks of a celebrity lifestyle. This was clear in your new "look," sporting a lovely new hairstyle and arms that rival Michelle Obama's. But that doesn't mean that you need to be haughty or carry an air of self-privilege at the expense of others. Otherwise, you risk being seen as an opportunistic "Octo-mom" looking for fame and glory. Remember that parents said they like you specifically because they relate to you as the "mom next door" and not as a self-important starlet.

Kate, you are entitled to have it all. I wish you and your precious family much success in the journey ahead. You deserve a wonderful and enriching life. But please understand that you can't demand the accoutrements of a celebrity life without also knowing there is a downside: namely, losing some of your freedom and privacy. As you continue to be in the public eye, don't lose sight of this thought: Wherever you go, whatever you do, walk with kindness, compassion and gratitude for others as well as yourself and know that you model the way, not only for your children, but for parents everywhere. That is the most important message we can pass on to others.

Sincerely,

Alyssa Martina

Metro Parent publisher and president and certified parenting coach

Alyssa Martina is founder, president and publisher of Metro Parent Magazine and one of Metro Detroit's foremost experts on parenting. You can reach her at amartina@metroparent.com.

Source : http://www.detnews.com/article/20090521 ... /905210449" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Moumousse]

Claudia Schiffer



Donatella Versace

J'aime la robe de Donatella.


Puis Claudia Schiffer, je te hais!

[Moumousse]

Kate Gosselin

Elle aussi aime les motards.


Salut Tam!

[Moumousse]

Debi Mazar

Oh non, une robe léopard!

[Olivia23]

Je la trouvais si belle du temps de Pon the replay..
Mais plus sa va et plus ca ce gache
Je n'aime pas du tout son look

tu as raison elle est plus belle les cheveux long

[Olivia23]

Robert Pattinson

en voyant la table je pense de plus en plus qu'il est sale et malpropre

[Mag-a-lye]

[...]


en voyant la table je pense de plus en plus qu'il est sale et malpropre

Je suis peut-être aveugle, mais qu'est-ce qu'elle a la table ?

[rikiki]

[...]

Calvasse, la robe! On n'a pu les bonhommes Pillsbury qu'on avait!!!

Dekessé?

[kapucine]

Ben and Jennifer

[kapucine]

[...]


ayoye C'est vrai !!

On dirait qu'elle a un sein plus gonflée que l'autre

[kapucine]

Elle ne voulait pas se faire reconnaitre ou quoi ?

[kapucine]

Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson

Tres ordinaire la robe

[kapucine]

Kerli

[kapucine]

Hugh Jackman

La fille au pantalon orange au loin... au premier coup d'oeil je pensais qu,elle avait les fesses a l,air

[kapucine]

Je ne sais pas pourquoi... mais si quelqu'un me dit que leur relation est purement sexuelle ... je vais facilement le croire

[kapucine]

Merci infiniment pour les belles photos , les potins croustillants , merci d'être là

[loft_great]

[...]



La fille au pantalon orange au loin... au premier coup d'oeil je pensais qu,elle avait les fesses a l,air

[loft_great]

Britney

[loft_great]

Shenae Grimes

[loft_great]

Katie Holmes